So I've decided to create a blog. This is my first. I used to have a livejournal many years ago that I never really used. I mainly used it to view my friends' journals, which is one of the reason I've decided to start a blog instead of rejoining LJ. I want to put my words out there for everyone to read. And also, is it even still around?
The reason I've decided to start a blog is that I've started a journey, a transformation. It became apparent to me this summer that I needed to start working on myself. I don't just WANT to be healthier, but I NEED to be healthier - physically and mentally. I think for many years I've been distracted and in denial about how unhealthy my life has been, and up until this year I really feel like I haven't been strong enough to deal with it either. I would say that if it wasn't for the support of my roommate and "life-partner in spinsterdom," SB, that I would not have come to this point where I would be strong enough to face and hopefully solve the issues that are in my life. I've started a journey, and I know it will be hard. It's already been hard, and each day I find myself fighting through my urges to fall back into what is comfortable to me. I've decided that I'm going to have weight-loss surgery.
A few of you may know that I almost had this done about 4 years ago. I went through South San Francisco Kaiser Permenente's bariatric surgery program. I was two weeks away from having surgery for the lap-band when I found out that my surgery was cancelled because I had gain 6lbs (they require you to lose a certain amount of weight before they will do surgery.) I was devastated, but mostly because I wasn't notified that my surgery had been cancelled. I found out because I called in to change my phone number for a pre-surgery phone appointment I had that day with the OR nurse. At that time I was informed by another nurse, "Huh? What are you talking about? Your surgery was cancelled." The stranger thing was that I received a call from the OR nurse twenty minutes later, while I was sobbing, for my scheduled phone appointment. She, too, had no idea they had cancelled my surgery. She was very nice, and told me that all my pre-surgery appointments were still scheduled in the computer, and that if my surgery had been cancelled, and that I was supposed to be notified in writing, which I hadn't been, and that there was a particular protocol established by their department that should be followed in these situations. After some checking she discovered that my surgery had definitely been cancelled, and that they had failed to follow the protocol to inform me.
I couldn't understand why they'd cancel my surgery over 6lbs. I had worked so hard to lose 50lbs and my weight would fluctuated daily around 4 - 5lbs, not to mention the variations in scales between home, SSFKP and SFKP. But the most upsetting thing about the whole ordeal was that I rearranged my life planning for this surgery. I had spent a year in appointments and classes. I rearranged my work schedule to take 3 weeks off after surgery, and purchased a plane ticket for my sister to fly out to San Francisco to help me during my recovery. I work at a veterinary hospital, so I understand that mistakes happen sometimes, but they didn't take any steps to correct their mistake.
Within the following few months, and after further complications with SSFKP Bariatrics, mostly from my surgeon, I decided to check out the bariatric program at the Fremont KP. They weren't really open to the lap-band. I received a referral to the UCSF Medical Center's bariatric program, but by the time that happened I found out that I was suffering from Hashimoto's Thyroiditis (most likely the cause of my 6lbs weight gain), and I would need to get my hypothyroidism under control before I could receive any surgery. It is kind of blessing that I didn't have the surgery at that time. Most likely, I would have suffered from post-op complications like trouble healing.
It took about a year or so to get my hypothyroidism under control, and during that time a lot changed. I left the practice I was at to go to another one, which meant I lost my insurance for a bit. My living situation and personal relationships were unsteady, and it became apparent that if I were to ever pursue weight-loss surgery again, or taking personal inventory, that I'd need to have a stable support system here in San Francisco. So two years have passed, and in that time I've gained some wonderful friends while getting rid of the toxic ones. My mother almost died from a heart attack. My weight is becoming a bigger problem everyday. At 300lbs, my body just hurts. I can't do all the things I want to. And thus, I'm back in South San Francisco KP's bariatric program, which has improved substantially, with a new surgeon. I've lost 18lbs, and have completed most of my pre-op classes, appointments and diagnostics. I really think I'm ready for this, and I want a place to talk about my journey. Welcome to my blog!
